Thursday, September 14, 2006

I Found the Cure For That Island of Depressed Internet Shut-Ins (and work related boredom)!

As a result of a pretty weak MeFi post, I found myself in a piece of internet real estate that I hadn't yet explored in my previous journeys: the Best of craigslist. Now, this might be way old news to some of you better aquainted with being an internet uber-hipster (does anybody know the key combo for an umlaut?), but I, being one of the thirteen people still alive today who haven't spent at lease a couple minutes on craigslist, found it quite new and suspiciously hilarious. I've got the sore abs and happy-tears to prove it.

Here are some highlights I think you might enjoy (click the link to read the full posts as these measly quotes are but snapshots of the hilarity contained therein):
Warning: If you are offended by anything at all, this includes aggressive, angry, ridiculous, or sexy words and situations, please move along. Nothing to see here. But if a good, uncensored laugh is what you seek: please continue.
To the guy I gave a skull to. : "So I said, "Here's your skull" and handed it to you. You were shocked, I thought because you didn't realize it was lost. But as I backed off the train as the doors closed I saw that it wasn't a cane you had but an umbrella. And luggage. And you clearly weren't the person who dropped the skull."

The delicate balance that is my ballsack : "Three different razors. Gillette shaving cream. Water is running and Norah Jones is in the CD player. I don’t know why but her voice makes me want to shave my balls."

You smiled at me going into your colonoscopy : "I winked at you as you went into the examination room and you gave me a smile. I know that meant something. I thought of you throughout my own colonoscopy."

Things I Have Done That I Really Should Have Been Sacked For By Now : "10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone 'What's up MotherFucker?!" *my favorite at the moment*

I horked on your tits. : "I vomited a little bit of home brew down your blouse. You said, 'Cute.'"

To the person/slut who disposed of their DILDO in my yard: : "***Side Note: No amount of cleaning, not even a run through the dishwasher on SANATIZE, would ever be enough to entice me into riding this pre-owned, mysterious lawn dong"

And man is there ever more where those came from. Seriously. That place contains enough comedy to permanently cure a relatively small island inhabited only by clinically depressed internet shut-ins. (This post is brought to you by books and films that use the title of the work in the body of said work or vice versa.)

8 Comments:

Anonymous Scott said...

alt-0220 for the capital u-with-umlaut, alt-0252 for the lower-case-u-with-umlaut.

3:22 AM  
Blogger note said...

oh man. i think thats for windows 'cause when I do the first one (alt-0220)...all I get is º™™º.

wierd right? degree, trademark, trademark, degree?

i appreciate the help though...ill just have to live my life sans umlaut - which would be difficult if I was german.

(really i could look it up but my laziness oftentimes is only surpassed by my need for oxygen.)

8:26 AM  
Blogger schwenkjam said...

'Best of' is amazing, the only problem is that it is not updated all that often, and I guarantee there are hilarious posts on C-List every day.

Here is one of my favorites:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/167388724.html

best part is that the rent is still $400.

and I really think it would be hard for someone else to be more of an internet uber hipster than yourself, note, given your already impressive talents before moving to the holy-land, or mecca if you will, of internet dorkdom.

3:55 AM  
Blogger schwenkjam said...

also, those pics you updated onto Flickr are gorgeous, what was that technique you use?

3:56 AM  
Blogger note said...

dude, didnt you consider renting that place for a while? i feel like you mentioned that to a bunch of us at somepoint and you were seriously considering it.

the method used in those photos is called High Dynamic Range - which is essentially 3 or more photos taken of the same scene at different exposures and overlapped.

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Scott said...

Ü ü

If you can see those, you could just save them in some file for future use... I'm not sure how to do them on a Mac. Completely forgot that you were using one.

8:27 AM  
Blogger schwenkjam said...

I would also just like to point out that this is exactly what has been peeving me about MeFi recently. People get pissed at any post that doesn't suit them perfectly. I agree that one link posts about things that most people have already seen is not the ideal for MeFi. That said, you call the post "weak", yet it introduced you to something new and interesting, is that not the purpose of MeFi?

2:00 AM  
Blogger note said...

I agree with you in the sense that said MeFi post was worth it in that it introduced me to something new but (a) the fact that the actual posting wasn't even really that interesting is why I called it weak. In addition, my main gripe with a post like that, in particular, is that there is no context. Sure, everyone has their own idea about what a MeFi post should be and I agree that no post can please everyone. But the poster could have atleast given me some additional links on how to be a henchman, a place to by henchman costumes and weapons, logistics of supervillainy, or any number of other things that could have embellished the post a bit - something I've come to expect out of what I, perhaps a bit presumptuously, think is a more interesting community than most. I expect the aformentioned post to appear on fark or digg but not MeFi. Why? 'Cause I'm pretentious.

5:36 PM  

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